In Need Of A Modern-Day Miracle
I am weary of posting my story on this site that I'll get my hopes up in vain but it has come down to the simple fact that this is my last ditch, to try and keep going.
I'm fairly young, under the age of 20 and live with my mother. I fear that she will read this, very much so but I have no choice. We reconnected in 2007 while I was at a group home *In it because my father got addicted on prescription drugs* when her name was instantly found because of her being my biological mother and I had no choice but to contact her even with my fears about what she did. In 2002, when it was found that she murdered a sibling of mine and blamed it on the fact that I didn't want to be around her because she neglected me when no one was around and selectively cared when people were. To this day, I still don't know what happened or if she really did it, but I still get scalded for questioning it.
Still, everyone said she had changed. She didn't, hasn't and just has gotten worse.
I am living with her because the rest of my family is across the country and don't seem to care much about me since I gave her a second chance.
At this point, I haven't eaten in a week *which you wouldn't be able to tell, big guy already so no one seems to notice.*, get made fun of constantly until I'm in tears *I'm a tough guy too, I guess*, threatened in every way and the worst thing is, I've gone to people and finally let myself out and told them, they believed me until they talked with my mom and now, they believe her and I'm seen as the "bad person" when it comes to us. That I depend on people and I'm a user.
I don't know why all of this is happening, I'm fairly smart, never done drugs or alcohol, somehow I just didn't need them. I've also lost two jobs, one well paying, because of the economy, but she's took my money in both cases to keep me dependant on her. Yet she also yells at me for not having a job. I can't find one and its heartbreaking.
In two weeks time, I may be homeless because she's gotten rid of every person I could've had help me and she doesn't want to help, for obvious reasons since she's done what she's done and only cares about herself. I am not sure if this is just who she is, if I'm a bad son somehow, or god just doesn't cares about me enough to let these constant years of bad times pass.
I feel very alone, I am very alone and at the very least, I just ask that you pray for me a little bit. Maybe god will finally turn the tables and I will get what the one or two people close to me, say I deserve.
Just pray, I will too and everything will be fine, I just know it.
Thank you all, so very much. You have no idea how much it means to me that you've read this.
Seriously, thank you.
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63 visitors since June 15, 2009
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